Why did the chicken cross the road?

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    Clay Martin

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    For the greater good.
    Karl Marx:
    It was an historical inevitability.
    Thomas de Torquemada:
    Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
    Timothy Leary:
    Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let
    it take.
    Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
    also across you.
    Oliver North:
    National Security was at stake.
    Carl Jung:
    The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
    that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
    therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
    Jean-Paul Sartre:
    In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken
    found it necessary to cross the road.
    Ludwig Wittgenstein:
    The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects
    "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused
    the actualization of this potential occurrence.
    Albert Einstein:
    Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
    chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
    If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
    Salvador Dali:
    The Fish.
    It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
    Emily Dickinson:
    Because it could not stop for death.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson:
    It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
    Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
    The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
    Ernest Hemingway:
    To die. In the rain.
    David Hume:
    Out of custom and habit.
    Saddam Hussein:
    This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
    justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
    Jack Nicholson:
    ‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.
    Ronald Reagan:
    I forget.
    John Sununu:
    The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
    so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the
    Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair
    than all of Hellas’ fine armies.
    Henry David Thoreau:
    To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life.
    Mark Twain:
    The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
    Stephen Jay Gould:
    It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for
    it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological
    stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the
    genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the
    specific behaviors that figure most prominently in
    sociobiological speculation.
    Captain James T. Kirk:
    To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
    So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
    which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also
    with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such
    a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
    chicken’s dominion maintained.
    Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
    Andersen Consultant:
    Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening
    its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
    challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
    newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
    relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
    physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the
    Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its
    skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the
    chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall
    strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting
    convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens
    along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the
    transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings
    in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and
    explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to
    achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting
    and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
    continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in
    a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment
    which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a
    consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the
    chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards
    the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen
    Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.


    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darnit, he’s a maverick!

    BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change!
    The chicken wanted change!

    JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
    recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
    chickens on the other side of the road

    HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
    chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
    ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance
    it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

    GEORGE W. BUSH : We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
    just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
    chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

    DICK CHENEY : Where’s my gun?

    COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
    satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

    BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
    definition of chicken?
    AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

    JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
    against it! It was the wrong road to cross,and I was misled about the
    chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

    AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
    DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that
    he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes
    after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help
    him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems
    before adding new problems.

    OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
    he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
    from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give
    this chicken a NEW CAR! so that he can just drive across the road and not
    live his life like the rest of the chickens.

    ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
    have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see
    it in his eyes and the way he walks.

    PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

    MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
    going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when
    the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider

    DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes,
    the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone.

    JERRY FALWELL : Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain
    truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that
    chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say
    we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
    media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’
    That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as

    GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
    told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

    BARBARA WALTERS : Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
    listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
    of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
    it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.

    ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together,
    in peace.

    BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross
    roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
    checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new
    platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
    move beneath the chicken?


    Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
    Mobius Strip.jpg


    Arkansas version: To show the armadillo it can be done. :(

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