April 6, 2008 at 3:37 pm #2340Clay MartinKeymaster
Why did the chicken cross the road?
For the greater good.
It was an historical inevitability.
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
also across you.
National Security was at stake.
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken
found it necessary to cross the road.
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects
"chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused
the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
To die. In the rain.
Out of custom and habit.
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the
Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair
than all of Hellas’ fine armies.
Henry David Thoreau:
To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life.
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Stephen Jay Gould:
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for
it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological
stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the
genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the
specific behaviors that figure most prominently in
Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also
with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such
a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken’s dominion maintained.
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening
its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the
Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its
skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the
chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall
strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting
convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens
along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the
transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings
in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and
explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to
achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting
and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in
a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment
which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a
consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the
chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards
the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.December 29, 2008 at 11:13 am #8279deleydParticipant
Why did the chicken cross the road?
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darnit, he’s a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change!
The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road
HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance
it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH : We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY : Where’s my gun?
COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross,and I was misled about the
chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that
he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help
him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems
before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give
this chicken a NEW CAR! so that he can just drive across the road and not
live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see
it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes,
the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL : Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain
truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say
we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS : Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together,
BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new
platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?July 26, 2009 at 3:59 am #8579October 21, 2009 at 12:27 pm #8691jm34harveyParticipant
Arkansas version: To show the armadillo it can be done.
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